Body confidence in a relationship

Body confidence in a relationship can make or break a couple. Recently, I wrote about body confidence in the bedroom, so some of the content in this post may overlap a little – apologies for that.

Body confidence can be affected by our friendships, our relationships with our family members and our romantic relationships – today it’s the latter that we’re going to be focusing on. I’ll touch on the other two another time!

Why is it important?

Body confidence in a relationship is definitely an important part of a healthy relationship. If you feel insecure about your body, it can start to have a negative impact on your relationship with your partner/s.

When we feel insecure, we don’t have a very good level of self love or self worth. It can lead us to feel doubtful of our partners feelings towards us. We might have questions in our minds such as “Why are they with me?” and “What do they see in me?“

It’s not healthy to think this way and you’ll end up taking these insecurities out on your partner/s, whether you mean to or not.

Insecurities come out in a number of different ways, entirely dependent on the kind of person you are.

They might come out as jealousy when you see your significant other/s talking to somebody you feel is more attractive than you.

Insecurities might come out as anger that you feel towards yourself but are directing towards your partner/s.

They might come out as projections – to distract your partner/s from the things you don’t like about yourself, you choose to point out their flaws instead.

There are other ways too – shutting down, poor communication, refusing to have a physically intimate relationship with your partner/s anymore. All of these will have a severe impact on your relationship.

Body confidence and physical intimacy

Physical intimacy plays a large role in romantic relationships. Whilst it’s not the be all and end all, it does have an affect on the relationship.

If you feel uncomfortable with your body, it’s likely you’re not going to be totally comfortable having a sexual relationship with your partner/s.

And like I said, whilst physical intimacy doesn’t have to be the be all and end all in a relationship, it does definitely have an impact on the relationship.

Physical intimacy can bring a couple closer. This can be hugging or kissing, spooning, holding hands, touching each other or sexual intercourse. Without it, your relationship can *sometimes* feel like it might be lacking an element of closeness.

If you’re uncomfortable with your body, or have some trauma you’re dealing with, you might not feel comfortable with being touched, and it might be putting a strain on things. Don’t worry, it’s okay and it’s perfectly normal.

Whilst I can’t comment about trauma, I can comment about boosting your body confidence in a relationship and what you can do to help. If you’re ready to learn, I’m ready to help!

I’m ready to learn!

I’m glad you’re here. It means you’ve been brave enough to take that first step in addressing the fact that there’s a problem you want to resolve. Hopefully I can help you out! Using some of my tips below, you should feel body confident again in no time!

1 – Be open and honest. Communication is key.

It might be hard, it might be uncomfortable, but it’s important.

You need to communicate your feelings. Be open and be honest. Your partner/s won’t (or shouldn’t!) judge you.

Explain to them that you feel insecure. If you can, and feel able to, explain why. For example:

“I don’t feel comfortable being physically close to you at the moment. This is because I feel insecure about my scars. They’re on my legs and I think they’re ugly. I’m scared you’ll think so too.”

If your partner/s is/are loving, supportive and caring / just a decent human being, they will probably jump straight into reassuring you.

They’ll probably tell you they haven’t even noticed your scars. Or maybe, that they think your scars are beautiful. Or that they love them because they’re a part of you.

What you do next is important – and makes up point number two of this list!

2 – Listen to your partner/s.

When your partner/s compliments you, listen to them.

A partner complimenting you isn’t the same as someone on Facebook or Instagram complimenting you. Online, sometimes you can’t be sure that compliments are genuine. Sometimes it feels like people are complimenting you just so you’ll compliment back.

Validation from strangers and online friends won’t always make you feel better. Validation and praise from a partner, who you have a deep bond with, will.

Your partner/s will compliment you and praise you because they mean it. They’re saying these things because they believe them to be true and they want you to know.

So listen. Listen to what they’re saying and take it on board.

If it helps, write the compliments down. Take screenshots of cute texts and comments under your insta pics from your other half. That way, when you’re feeling low or having doubts about the relationship, you can look back at them. They will hopefully make you feel a bit better!

Listening is important. Communication – as listed in the first point – is important. It’s also a two way street – you can speak but you also have to listen.

3 – Ask your partner/s for reassurance.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with asking your partner/s for some compliments and praise straight out.

If you feel like you’re struggling, or just like you need some reassurance, speak to them. Here are some things you could ask them:

• What do you find attractive about me?
• What do you think is sexy about me?
• Do you like when I do XYZ in the bedroom?
• What’s your favourite thing about me?

Your partner/s will either give a closed answer, which is fine, or begin a conversation.

Either of these is a positive result and in both cases, what do you need to do?

Listen. See point 2.

Don’t ask your partner/s for compliments and then say “You’re wrong” or “No I’m not”. It deems the whole conversation pointless! Also, your partner/s will feel like they said something wrong. This might make them reluctant to communicate on this topic again in future – or cause them to give a less genuine response! They might be tempted to tell you what they think you want to hear, rather than what they actually want to tell you.

4. Go slowly!

When it comes to being physical in the relationship, go slowly. If you find that body confidence in a relationship is tricky for you, go slowly. If you feel scared or nervous or worried, go slowly.

Let’s say you feel unattractive, but you still want to be physically intimate. How can you make the experience good for both of you?

You need to revert to point one – communication! Communicate your needs and desires to your partner/s. Do you want the light on or off? What do you want to wear? How do you feel about music or candles? What do you want to try?

A good, understanding partner/s will adapt to your needs and between you – with good communication – you should be able to achieve a level of physical intimacy that suits everyone.

Don’t feel pressured into doing anything you’re not comfortable doing. There’s no rush here, and a partner who makes you feel otherwise needs to reevaluate their behaviour!

Go slowly, take the time that you need – you’ll get there!

5. Remember that your partner/s might not understand

Body confidence in a relationship isn’t necessarily something all relevant parties will be struggling with.

Your partner/s might feel incredibly confident, and this might cause them to struggle to understand your insecurities. A lack of understanding can sometimes lead to conflict, and that’s why it is crucial to communicate and listen.

Help your partner/s to understand by explaining your feelings to them in an honest and open way.

Help your partner/s to understand by opening up to them when you’re having a low moment.

However, it’s not just down to you to make them understand. They also need to be willing to see things from another perspective. They need to commit to understanding what you’re going through and helping you.

6. They might be experiencing insecurities too.

Your partner/s might relate to what you’re going through, and if that’s the case, then you need to work through this list together. Be there for each other and support each other.

People often feel like they’re the only person in the world who feels the way they feel.

You might feel like you’re the only person who struggles with body confidence in a relationship… I can assure you, you’re not.

Several hundreds of thousands of people do, and your partner/s might add to those numbers! Don’t assume they feel completely differently to you.

Phew, that’s a big list! However, I feel confident that if you pair the tips on this list with the tips in my ‘Body Confidence in the Bedroom‘ and my ‘5 Ways to Boost Your Body Confidence‘ posts, you’ll feel a lot better in no time!

I’d love to know if you found these tips helpful! If you have any tips of your own, please feel free to share them below! You never know, you might end up helping someone out!

Love from, Florence Grace

For more self love, why not check out the podcast?