Being pregnant during a pandemic

Coronavirus – Covid-19, more specifically – is a pain in my backside.

Before I really dive into this post, I really do want to make it quite clear that I am fully aware of how privileged I am. I have a job that allows me to work from home, permanently, for the foreseeable future.

If I need time off sick, then my work provides relatively decent sick pay.

We have a full fridge freezer and cupboards, enough loo roll and paracetamol and live a two minute walk from the doctors surgery.

Our family is almost exclusively based in the same town as us, so there’s plenty of help on hand.

Acknowledging all of that, and feeling very grateful for it, I now want to move onto the rest of the post, where I want to discuss my life right now. My life, which is currently this:

Coronavirus is ruining my pregnancy

Yup, it’s sad but true.

I was fast approaching my third trimester when the virus began taking off in Wuhan, and then spreading across the rest of the globe. I sat ever hopeful that it would be contained in China, never reaching the UK – or, more specifically, me and my baby.

But sadly, it spread and became a worldwide pandemic.

And whilst it means much worse things for some people, for me, it means a lot of small and personal losses.

You see, this fucking coronavirus is taking away every magical moment of the third trimester.

First, it was the antenatal classes. As patients were found to be testing positive with the coronavirus at my local hospital, all antenatal classes and labour ward tours were cancelled. No alternative offered, no help provided, just cancelled. I was due to start classes in 25 days! What was I supposed to do?

Unfortunately, with prices starting at £160, there is no way I could afford private classes. So this meant missing out on a big milestone that I had been looking forward to. I wouldn’t *officially* learn how to change a nappy or breast feed, how to run a baby bath at perfect temperature or see the place where I would give birth.

Most important to me was meeting other women who were pregnant at the same time as me, and making friends. The social aspect was something I was so looking forward to – and now, I wouldn’t be able to meet anyone.

And the coronavirus cancellations didn’t stop there.

Following my antenatal class cancellations, I realised I would no longer be able to attend the Baby Show I had won tickets to, to go and do some fun shopping with my partner and speak to “parenting experts”.

And then, worst of all, most upsetting and heartbreaking of all – my baby shower was cancelled. The venue decided to shut until the end of July, and then pregnant women were told to self isolate and that was it – the shower was cancelled.

The self isolation also meant no work. Which meant no “last day” before maternity leave, no handover to my maternity replacement and over a year away from my place of work instead of the original ten months.

Everything I’ve been looking forward to in the third trimester, everything I have been excited about, gone in a puff of smoke.

I’m being robbed.

This is my first pregnancy, my first baby. It would have been my first visit to a baby show, my first glimpse of a labour ward, my first baby shower. And I’m being robbed of all of these experiences, with no control and nothing I can do about it.

It’s scary, it’s unnerving, it’s upsetting.

I had lunch dates with friends planned, now cancelled. I promised my friends little girl we would see her incredibly soon, and now I can’t. It’s not even possible for me to go shopping for baby stuff that I still need, I have to get it all online.

I don’t know, it’s just not quite the same. All these magic moments that should be mine, no longer are. And it hurts. It physically hurts my heart.

Priorities.

I know in the grand scheme of things, none of this matters.

I’m aware that the only thing that matters whilst this pandemic rages on is that me and the baby remain happy and healthy, which thankfully, we currently both are.

I’m also aware that all the things I’m missing out on are just niceties, but they still mattered to me. A lot.

I can only see one way forward now, and that is by focusing on the positives and resetting my mindset so that I have an “attitude of gratitude”. Dwelling on all the things going “wrong” for me right now isn’t going to do me any good. Focusing on all the things I’m missing out on is only going to make me more upset.

So it’s time to focus on the good.

Having an attitude of gratitude

I am grateful for all the things I mentioned before – my job, my sick pay, the food and supplies I have in the house.

But I’m also grateful for my friends and family. My mum hunted down a pack of loo roll for me. My darling boyfriend came home with nappies for our stash and my favourite cereal and cookies for me to munch on whilst I work from home, and my Grandparents put together a lovely little hamper for the baby filled with essentials.

I’m grateful for my best friends who have sent me kind words and in particular, my friend Sophie, who surprised me with flowers and snacks to put a smile on my face. I’m grateful for my online community who have also sent me more love and support than I could imagine.

Looking forward, I’m focusing on sorting the baby’s room, ordering the rest of the bits we need and planning a ‘welcome to the world’ party as opposed to a baby shower.

All small things that distract me from the things I’m missing now and fill me with a bit of happiness and excitement.

And of course, there’s the obvious

The arrival of my baby, in just shy of eleven weeks time is the best thing to focus on and feel excitement about. I know that as soon as the baby is here, all the upset I’ve felt recently will disappear. I will feel happy and elated and overwhelmed – and most of all I’ll be busy, so busy being a mum.

It will be the best feeling in the world, and I can’t wait.

Sorry for the moan

It might sound like I’m a privileged twat with nothing serious to moan about. People are dying and losing their loved ones, losing their jobs and struggling to make ends meet. Who am I to moan about a baby shower?

But the thing is, I know that I’m not alone.

Many mums have slid into my DM’s to tell me they feel the same – devastated that magical times are being robbed from them, but guilty because it doesn’t seem important enough to be sad about compared to…well. Death.

Other people have slid into my DM’s about cancelled weddings, who also feel the same way. It matters to them, but compared to death, who cares?

I care. Your friends and family care. You’re allowed to be upset about whatever is happening in your life, even if it doesn’t seem “big”.

We’re all being affected by this virus in one way or another. We should be allowed to talk about our feelings without feeling shame or guilt because we feel our problems are insignificant or “not serious”.

If it matters to you, then it matters.

I’m here.

If there is anything you want to talk about, know that I’m here. I know that I’m going to have many ups and downs between now and my baby’s arrival, even if I do work hard to focus only on the positives. But that’s just life, isn’t it? Ups and downs. Feeling good and then feeling not.

I’m going to feel lonely, without access to work of human contact. And scared, in case I get sick with coronavirus. But we’re all in this same boat together, clinging on to the edge, trying to stay afloat. We are all terrified – of the unknown, more than anything else. And of coronavirus, tearing the world apart.

So we all need to stick together. Offering kind words, helping out friends and neighbours, being kind and considerate.

Fear and panic can be overwhelming. But so can kindness and love. Let’s not forget that.

Love from, Florence Grace