It’s not me, it’s you.

It’s not me, it’s you. Yep, you read that right. I’m taking a stand, and I’m blaming you – because the problem isn’t me.

People can be right pricks, can’t they?

It’s not often we don’t take the blame for a relationship breakdown, be those friendships or romantic relationships. We often tell people it’s us, not them. That we’re sorry things turned out this way. That we should have tried harder, that we could have done more, that we will regret this. Never do we turn around and say “actually, it’s not me, it’s you“. Because sometimes, the other person really just is a piece of shit and there’s not much that can be done about that.

This is something I’m going through at the moment. On some days, I’m having a pretty hard time.

In the last twelve months I have had to cut off several people who were once incredibly important to me. It wasn’t easy, but I’ve had to do it to protect my inner peace. My happiness! And whilst to them, it might seem as if I did this ruthlessly, I’ve been pretty cut up about it ever since. Dare I say it, I even miss them sometimes!

On numerous occasions I’ve considered reaching out to make amends, just because I miss them. I thought about apologising for what happened, being the “bigger person” and putting things right.

It’s not me, it’s you – so I won’t apologise.

Because do you know what? It wasn’t me at all. I didn’t need to apologise for anything. I didn’t need to feel sorry for what went down, because it wasn’t me, it was them. It was them who upset me, them who pushed me so far I had no choice but to cut them off. It was them who stabbed me in the back, played me for a fool and tried to ruin my happiness. Why should I apologise for their shoddy behaviour?

You only get one chance at life, and you have no guarantee how long that chance is going to be. For that reason, it’s important that you only surround yourself with the best people that life has to offer. If someone is making you unhappy, cut them off. If someone is creating a toxic environment for you to be in, causing you any kind of suffering, you have to just cut them off. And no, you might not get closure, but you can sit there and feel reassured in the fact that “it’s not me, it’s you”.

Life is too short to spend it with shit people – nasty people, toxic people, selfish people. They say you are made up of the five people you spend most of your time with…so hadn’t you better choose those five people wisely?

This is a message more people need to pay attention to

We really need to stop spending so much time pining after people who are no good for us. We need to spend even less time trying to keep relationships and friendships going that are only dragging us down and draining us. Most importantly of all, we need to stop shouldering the blame for every single relationship or friendship that goes wrong.

Of course, sometimes it might be your fault and you might have to hold yourself accountable – this happens! But there is no need to shoulder the blame if it genuinely was the other person’s fault. Don’t fret over what you could have done better, what you should have done to be better and so on. Sometimes, people are just shitty and there’s not much else you can do about it. Just explain to them that “it’s not me, it’s you” and leave them to deal with themselves whilst you walk away with a clear mind.

Say it with me: It’s not me, it’s you.

Love from,
Florence Grace