No such thing as ‘too much’ love

My ex accused me of needing ‘too much love’ on a regular basis.

The other day, I shared a post on Facebook that really hit home with me. It said:

“‪My ex used to scold me for wanting affection & my current boyfriend just squatted down next to me to give me kisses JUST because he is getting in the shower. He goes out of his way every single day, SEVERAL times a day just to make sure I feel loved. I prayed about that & I got answers. ‬I always thought the problem was me, that I was just “needy”. No ladies that’s not the case, the person that God designed just for you is out there. Be patient.“

I honestly related to this post so much because I’ve been that girl. I know I’m not the only girl, or even boy, who probably can.

There is no such thing as too much love – for the right person

Some days, I feel needy. I’ve spoken about how my previous relationship was an unhealthy, abusive one. Whilst I try to suppress memories of what it was like, the other day I discovered a diary from 2013. It was full of pages that provided intense detail about my relationship, including the abuse.

Sentences such as “I don’t know what he’ll do next” and “He told me it didn’t matter if he hurt me because I hurt myself” were two of many that felt like a punch in the chest as I read them. While I tried to read an entry out loud to Jonny, I had to stop, my chest going so tight I could hardly breath. Day in, day out, I was writing the same thing. “He didn’t text me today”, “he lied about where he was”, “he cancelled plans with me today”. It was heartbreaking to read and I just wanted to cuddle 16, 17, 18 year old me. The diary forced me to think back on the relationship. It made me realise how much I had put up with.

Some days I feel needy. Asking for help or support feels needy too. Wanting to spend time together also feels needy. Wanting to make plans for the future feels risky. Your brain convinces you that everything is uncertain. Your head tells you that you’ll be cancelled on at the last second. It took me a very, very long time to learn that this isn’t needy at all. That’s called being in love, and it’s what a real relationship looks like. 

Not all relationships are the same

The person you’re with will be happy to hang out with you! To drop you a text, to build a relationship with you. They won’t lie, they won’t make excuses, they won’t ignore you for days on end. They’ll communicate, they’ll be honest and trustworthy – everything a great partner should do and be.

It’s no secret that I was more than a little bit scared when I started a relationship with Jonny. Obviously, I had wall after wall up to protect my stone cold heart – but he smashed through them all and melted me. 

He makes me see that actually, I’m not needy. I love him the exact right amount, and he loves me. We cuddle all the time (seriously, it’s almost all we do I swear!) I often find myself lingering in the doorway of the bathroom whilst he’s showering and having a chat, and him me. He calls me all the time when he’s driving about so we can catch up. We also tag each other in endless cute dog pictures and funny memes

He kisses me randomly, he kisses me when he’s leaving, when he’s home from work. My chest is a comfy spot for sleeping on when Jonny’s tired, so I let him. I look after him when he’s sick. When I have cramps, he makes me hot water bottles. He drives me anywhere I need to go. I make him sandwiches every night. Because that is love.

He’s never laid a finger on me in a violent way (other than we’re pretending to be UFC fighters and he’s trying to break free of my death grip) and I am confident he never would. 

The future looks a lot brighter

He has shown me there is no such thing as “too much” love. 
There’s no such thing as “too much” affection. 
I’ve loved before and been told it was too much, because it was the wrong person for me. I was told I was clingy, needy, pathetic. My ex would say I “didn’t need to be cuddled all the time”. I was denied love and affection almost every day. Because it was my first relationship and I was so young, I just believed that was how it was meant to be. That there was something wrong with me. Maybe I was just needy and after too much love?

When I came out of that relationship, miserable, unhappy and feeling totally defeated, I vowed that “love” sucked. I wouldn’t participate in it ever again. How wrong was I?

‬I always thought the problem was me, that I was just “needy”. No ladies that’s not the case, the person that God designed just for you is out there. Be patient.

I was patient. Patient for 18 months. 18 months of endless fuckboys. Of having my feelings walked all over. Of building up walls I never wanted broken down, obviously not wanting to get myself hurt ever again. I prayed to God for some kind of happy ending. 18 months down the line, he gave it to me. Boy, did he give it to me. 

I got my happy ending. You will, too.

The universe designed Jonny just for me. He was never my type. My heart certainly wasn’t looking for love, and I definitely didn’t expect to be interested…but it happened anyway.

Aren’t they always the best kind of relationships? 

Ladies (and gents!), be patient. If your partner makes it feel like a battle for their love and affection, they’re not for you. The right person will give you all the love and affection you want, and more, for free. No hassle, no stress and no need to ask or even beg for it. They will love you freely and will accept your love in return with no questions asked. That’s the relationship you deserve to be in. The right relationship won’t leave you second guessing.

You are not the problem. You’re not needy, and you’re not “too much”. The right person will agree with me on that. 

Love from,
Florence Grace