BREAKING NEWS: Actress Zoe Saldana has just got married…and has remained Zoe Saldana. Yes, that’s right- her husband took her surname, rather than the traditional alternative. The feminists of the world are rejoicing. It marks an almost rebellious stand, a change in society and how women value themselves. It shows freedom from men and independence. Women all over the world are celebrating, with hopes that this will encourage more men to do what women have had to do for- well, for as long as anyone can remember.
I find the whole scenario quite bizarre, and it makes me quite furious.
In an act of marriage, it has always been the tradition for women to take men’s surnames. Way back when, it was a mark of ownership, a sign that they were the property of a man. Now, it’s just…well, a habit I suppose. You get married, you take your partners name. It happens, and most don’t even think about it.
It is one of many issues feminists have fought against, and it has been noticed that the number of women choosing to keep their own surname rather than take their partners, in what seems to be an act of defiance against the patriarchal society in which we live, is definitely on the rise.
None of this ever really bothered me. I have always assumed that when I get married, I will take my partners name. Not because I feel like I have to, or feel like his property- just because that is the “done thing”. And I don’t care. I feel no deep rooted connection to my surname, as most people know me by my first and middle name, rather than first and last. There is a genuine lack of care regarding what my surname is, as long as I am happily married to the person that I love.
It wasn’t until I read an article in Cosmopolitan from Thea De Gallier that I became angered by this whole situation and had to seriously think about marriage and who should take who’s name.
In the article, Ms. De Gallier states that not only does the man she end up marrying have to be a feminist (fair enough), but they also have to be willing to take her surname to proudly show the world that “my identity is just as worthy as his”.
Did I read that right? Because to me, it looks like she’s asking her future husband to give up his “identity” (in this case, his last name) to establish her own self worth and identity. This an absolutely ridiculous idea to me- especially when it is something men have done to women for centuries only to have women complain about it with the growth of feminist culture and the independent woman. Now you want men to do the exact same thing? Ridiculous.
If you don’t want to take your husband’s surname because you want to keep yours for whatever reason, be it feminist reasons, you are the last in your bloodline or you just really like your surname, then fine. Don’t take it. No one will (or should) force you into doing so.
But then neither should you force your partner to take yours- least of all for the intention of making a stand for gender equality. Because if he doesn’t want to take yours, he doesn’t want to take yours, and no matter what his reasoning is, as a united couple about to spend the rest of your lives together, you should respect each others feelings and opinions.
Now, don’t think that I am against gender equality and feminism, because I can assure you now that I am not, and I proudly label myself as a feminist- I believe in the equality of the sexes. And by believing in equality of the sexes, I believe that no one should have to take someone else’s name. It should be a choice. You shouldn’t have to take your husbands, just because its “tradition” if you don’t want to. He shouldn’t have to take yours to “make a point”, so to speak, if he doesn’t want to.
In my opinion, everyone should stick to their own name, or even better, make up an entirely brand new name to go with your brand new life!
But it’s everybody’s personal choice. No one should be forced into anything, or rewarded for doing something “outside of the norm” that not everyone would feel comfortable doing. At the end of the day, as long as you love each other, nothing else matters. After all, what’s in a name?
Love from,
Florence Grace
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