I have been a working mum for over a year now, and let me tell you, it has not been easy. It really hasn’t been easy.
There have been tears and tantrums (and I’m not even talking about my son!), sacrifices and struggles. But for me, it’s worth it. Having a career, a purpose outside of motherhood, was important to me. I have always been a career girl. I once had seven jobs at one time, I was working 18 hour days and was so driven with such huge goals! That part of me hasn’t gone away. But it has obviously been rivalled with my passion and love for being a mum.
Nothing worth having ever comes easy, as the saying goes. So I’ve done what I can to hold onto my career and be a brilliant mum. And what have I learned along the way?
1. Being a working mum is all about balance
Yeah, yeah. This is probably obvious right? But it really is true. Like everything in life, getting the balance right is important. This doesn’t mean making sure you split yourself 50:50 everyday, oh no. It means accepting that sometimes, you’ll be 80% mum, 20% employee. Other days it will be the other way around. When your child is ill, or you’ve got no childcare, being a mum comes first. But sometimes if your partner is at home, and you’ve got training or an important deadline, your career might take precedence. Maybe you’ve had a hard day at work where you gave it your all, and when you finished, you were too tired to play with your little one. Maybe you took an unpaid day of leave to have some quality time with your child. The balance is always swinging one way or another.
Of course, being a mum is always the most important thing when it comes down to it. But generally speaking, it’s okay for the balance to waver between motherhood and your career. It’s not always easy to accept, but it’s just something you have to learn to live with – you can never give 100% of yourself to everything all at once. The sooner you realise how important having balance is, the sooner you can stop feeling bad on the days where more of you is poured into your career than into motherhood or vice versa.
2. You will probably always feel guilty.
It’s sad but it’s true. If you let something slide at work, need to slip out early to collect your child or cancel a meeting because your childcare has fallen through, you’ll feel guilty. If you’re late to collect your child because you’re caught up at work, if you forget to send them with a spare outfit to nursery or if you miss bedtime because you’ve got a deadline, you’ll feel guilty. Whatever happens, you’ll feel guilty!
The fact of the matter is, you’re probably feeling guilty, and no one else is giving it a second thought! Your manager probably understands that you need to leave. Your childcare provider will know that a working mum has several plates to spin and that forgetting things happens sometimes.
It’s easy for me to sit here and say “don’t feel guilty” but believe me – I’m a year in to what I imagine will be a lifetime of being a working mum and I’m here to say that feeling guilty is just a waste of time. You are already being the most amazing mum by balancing a career and being a mum. You’re taking care of a whole human whilst pursuing your dreams. You’re amazing! So ditch the guilt and start feeling a little more accomplished about all that you’re doing instead.
3. The expectations for men and women are different
Totally different. For example, I have found that men can work from home with their children because it is assumed that if their partner is there, they aren’t doing the parenting. However, women can’t work from home with their children present because it’s assumed they are working AND parenting at the same time. This is a sexist assumption, and is just one thing I’ve had to deal with as a working mum.
There are other expectations too – men who work and parent are considered amazing, women who work and parent are considered to be sacrificing motherhood. Men who work late are ‘committed’, women who work late ‘aren’t coping’. And on and on and on. It’s so old fashioned, the views are so outdated – but a lot of the time they’re still there, and it’s just another thing we have to battle.
4. You will wonder ‘what if’
What if you chose to be a stay at home mum? What if you spent more time with your little one? If you were doing holiday crafts and days out and not the child minder? What if, what if, what if?
This is normal – not just as a working mum, but in any part of life. We are always haunted by what if’s.
Forget it. Try and spin it more positively instead! What if you stuck it out at work? If you pursue your career whilst parenting and manage to build an amazing life for your family?
You’ve already made the decision (or maybe not had the luxury of choosing) to be a working mum – so instead of stressing about what could be better, focus on what is good right now, and what benefits will come about in future as a result of you working.
Your child will have an inspiring, hard-working parent to look up to. They will be inspired by your drive and determination. You will encourage them to work as hard as you to make their dreams come true.
You’ll always wonder what if, but all that will do is add unnecessary stress and worry to your mind, so try to forget the what if’s and focus on what’s going right.
5. It will always be worth it.
Okay, so maybe it would be nice to spend more time with your child. But whether you’ve made the choice to work, or have to work to make ends meet, it will always be worth it. Those moments spent with your child outside of work will mean so much more. Once you get paid and can treat your child to something special, or book a day off work to spend doing something fun with your little one, it will be worth it. When your child tells their teacher they want to be XYZ like mummy, your heart will swell and it will be worth it.
When you reach your career goals whilst raising a family and feel like all of your dreams have come true, it will be worth it.
Working mums will always want more
Whether it’s more time with your kids or more accomplishments at work, a working mum will always want more of something. And that’s normal!
As a mum, you’ll always doubt everything you do – I think that’s just part of being a mum! And when you’re a working mum, that doubt almost doubles.
Just know that you’re doing a great job, mama. Smashing glass ceilings, opening doors for others and supporting your family. That’s mega! Go you.
Celebrate yourself and all you’re achieving, always. That’s the most important lesson of all.
Love from,
Florence Grace
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