Body confidence in the bedroom

Whenever I do a self love or body confidence Q&A, one topic that always comes up is body confidence in the bedroom. So many of us feel uncomfortable with our bodies, which in turn impacts our experience in the bedroom. If this sounds like you, you’re in for a treat – I’m going to explore some of the things people seem to worry about the most. Above all else, it’s important to remember that you’re not alone! So many people feel exactly the same way you do, trust me!

Let’s begin…

I’m too fat

One of the things I hear the most is about being “too fat”. Too fat for what? For sex? Impossible. To be attractive or sexy? Unlikely. I’m speaking generally, but usually these comments come from women, women who feel like their partner isn’t going to be attracted to them because of their weight. Let’s look at some of the ins and outs of this, shall we?

First of all, you’re never too fat for sex. You can have sex at any size, any weight. Sex is for everyone who wants to enjoy it consensually. There are no size or weight restrictions. Your sexual partner is not a ride at Thorpe Park (although they may give you the ride of your life).

Secondly, you’re not too fat for XYZ position. Most frequently I have girls telling me they think they’re too big or too fat to get on top. Wrong! You can adapt any sex position, and big girls are just as capable as little girls at getting on top, bending and stretching like a pretzel. Push the limits and see what you and your sexual partner can get up to together!

“I’m worried my partner won’t be attracted to me naked” is another common worry I hear. This one breaks my heart, because believe me when I say, if they like you clothed, they’ll like you naked. Clothes don’t conceal that much – they know what they’re signing up for when they step into the bedroom with you! Don’t feel pressured though; if you are more comfortable keeping a t-shirt or some lingerie on, having sex with the lights off, then so be it! Discuss it with your partner, I’m sure they’ll understand. Eventually, you can try to ease out your comfort zone – maybe no lights, but have candles instead? You get the idea.

As Julia Roberts says in ‘Eat, Pray, Love’, a man has never walked out of a room when a woman has gotten naked. They’re in the room with a naked woman, they’ve hit the jackpot! (Words to that effect anyway…applies to all genders and sexualities of course).

My boobs are saggy

Someone once asked me how I felt confident getting on top during sex with saggy boobs, because they also had saggy boobs and didn’t feel comfortable. Believe me, I get it. Sometimes I feel like I must look a bit like a cow with udders LOL! But guess what? Your sexual partner has boobs in their face. They literally don’t care how saggy or perky, how big or small they are. Also, no ones boobs don’t hang down when they’re on all fours… it’s called gravity!

What about my stretch marks?

What about them?

Listen, if the person you’re having sex with is focused on your stretch marks enough to be turned off by them then they’re not having sex right. Ditch them.

For real though, your sexual partner literally will not care.

My body wobbles a lot

Oh darling, whose body doesn’t wobble a lot! Everyone with skin has bits that wobble for one reason or another! Wobbling a lot probably means you’re moving a lot… which probably means you’re having some pretty great sex! Again though, if you wobble naked, you wobble in clothes, and your sexual partner will know exactly what they’ve signed up for!

I don’t look like the celebs he/she likes

Don’t worry, pretty much no one is with someone who looks like their celeb crush. Don’t stress about it! Everyone has people they fantasize about – I bet even you do! So if you’re allowed to whilst still being attracted to the person you’re having sex with, why aren’t they? It works both ways.

I have a lot of scars

Again, the chances are that this person has seen your scars already. I understand that there is a sense of vulnerability that comes with being naked, but it’s essentially the same thing. If they’ve seen your scars whilst you’re clothed, it won’t change a thing when you’re naked. Also – no one sees a naked person, gets turned on and then gets turned off when they see a scar. No one. Believe me!

But…

Listen to me. There are a million and one things you can be insecure about in the bedroom. But if someone is having sex with you, the chances are they are already so attracted to you that seeing you without your clothes on is just a bonus!! It’s also worth remembering that no one has sex with someone just to zoom in on their ‘flaws’. Most people don’t even think about the other persons ‘flaws’ – instead they’re thinking about satisfying them sexually!

Everyone gets nervous in the bedroom and everyone has body image hang ups that can cause body confidence issues in the bedroom. The best thing you can do is communicate with your partner about these worries and work through them together. Remember that anyone who disrespects you or makes you feel uncomfortable in any kind of way isn’t worth your time, energy or sexual favours anyway.

I hope this helps some of you out! How have you overcome body confidence issues in the bedroom? Let’s chat!

Love from, Florence Grace