Reflecting on the decade

It’s the end of a decade.

Every year, around this time, I like to do a general recap of the year I’ve had and make some plans and goals for the year ahead. However, this year is different. It feels bigger, more significant somehow, because we’re exiting a whole decade and stepping into a new one.

Upon reflection, 2010-2019 seems to have lasted forever. As I sat down to write this post, highlighting the major things that have happened, I couldn’t believe so much had gone on. I mean sure, it’s been 10 whole years. But it doesn’t seem that long, for everything that’s happened. Does that even make sense?!

It’s a weird one for me, because I started the decade as literally *just* a teenager, and I am finishing it in the middle of my 20’s… what a terrifying thought.

It has definitely been the decade of me, to say the least. It’s been life changing. It’s been… well. Incredible, really.

But with all the highs, it’s not been without its lows.

As long as this post might end up being, I want a truly honest reflection and look back at the last ten years of my life. Here goes!

2010

I was 14 when I saw in the start of a new decade with my three best friends. 2010 was a big year for me, full of finding my feet as a budding teenager and ‘growing up’.

Summer 2010 was a great time for me. I made a lot of new friends, I was going out all the time, taking one million and one photos of everything (literally, everything) and enjoying a new found freedom that teenage me had.

It was also when I met my now ex boyfriend. I had barely even kissed a boy, despite having several intense crushes on various boys since primary. At 14, “love” seemed like a big deal to me. My friends all had boyfriends, or were fooling around with boys. I wanted that too.

When I met Bob (obviously not his real name), I was head over heels. To me, he was perfect, everything I could want in a boyfriend. The most shocking part for me was that he actually liked me back. After several weeks of intense friendship, we sealed the deal and became boyfriend and girlfriend.

The rest of 2010 was filled with parties and social gatherings as a “couple”, whilst trying to establish a balance between friendships and a relationship. I am not afraid to admit that this balance started to go seriously wrong, very quickly.

2011

There is nothing much to report for 2011 – 2013 because almost every waking moment was spent with my boyfriend, or waiting for my boyfriend to get home from seeing his friend’s so that I could text him. All the while, my friends began dropping like flies because I was consumed with this relationship. Some stuck around, but 2011 was really the “last year” I had a circle of friends to be proud of.

It wasn’t my fault, of course. Many of you will know by now that I was in an abusive relationship with Bob. He cut me off from my friends, stopped me from going out and enjoying life, all whilst he was going out and doing exactly that. I was lied to, manipulated, sexually abused and physically assaulted.

This lead to me having self esteem and body confidence issues. It also lead to me feeling unexplainable feelings of sadness, which only now as an adult do I understand. I self harmed. But I didn’t leave – because I couldn’t. I didn’t know how and part of me didn’t even want to! This was a grown up relationship, right? This is how they worked. We went through problems but we grew through them and came out stronger. All that mattered is that we loved each other.

2011 was the year my parents got divorced, which was a cherry on top of my fab life at the time.

2012

In 2012 I did my GCSE’s with little interest in passing (although thank goodness I did). I barely revised, and although I didn’t get the grades I was predicted, I did get enough to get into sixth form to complete my A Levels.

I also got my first job, a Christmas temp at TK Maxx, which I loved, and then a few months later, a housekeeping job at Champneys. This job was so awful that after two weeks I quit, and luckily landed myself a job at a local charity shop… where I would stay for the next two years!

I believe that 2012 is the year the bullying started at school, too. I was bullied online and in person by a huge chunk of people. My block list on Twitter tells me it’s over 200. The police were involved and I even reported it to my school but nothing was done. I really, really suffered.

The highlight of 2012 was going on my first proper holiday, my first trip on a plane. I went to Menorca with my boyfriend and his family and absolutely loved it. I had never been abroad before and I just wanted more sun, more sea and more sangria!

2013

Again, another year of mostly nothing. Struggling with my parents’ divorce, being trapped in an abusive relationship and being bullied at school was having a dire impact on me. My A Levels were suffering, I was developing more and more body image and food issues and was so, so unhappy you wouldn’t believe.

I had very few friends and barely any social life to speak of. The abuse in my relationship got worse and worse, and I wasn’t even allowed to wear makeup more than mascara anymore – unless it was a night out we were attending together.

I turned 18, which meant I was a “proper” adult now. To celebrate, I spent the weekend in Amsterdam, which was amazing and sparked my love for the city! The only downside was that it was tainted slightly by my boyfriend getting too high and having to spend an entire day of our two and a half day trip in bed. Fun.

2014 – the magic year

2014 was when my life really began to change.

I completed A Levels and left school, walking out the gates and not even looking back.

My summer was spent doing something amazing – getting a radio show of my own with a local youth station and starting my blog! This was the start of me launching my dream career. This was the moment that changed everything, changed my life. I just didn’t know it yet.

With my blog, I suddenly found that I had a voice. And as my voice grew, so did my confidence. Suddenly, I started blossoming into this new, unrecognisable person. It was amazing but terrifying all at once. And it was only the start.

September 2014 saw me deferring my university placement at London Southbank to study photography for a year. Instead, I took up a part time college course in Creative Business, two days a week.

It was here that I thrived. Being in education two days a week gave me plenty of time to spend on my blog and media career. I began presenting more. I became a columnist for Vale Life magazine and wrote for numerous online publications too, being headhunted for an internship at Closer magazine.

Best of all, I trained to be a TV presenter with a BBC journalist. Me!

I attended several other events with the likes of Q magazine, The Metro, Glamour and more. I was getting more experience and contacts than I knew what to do with! Finally, my dreams of being an icon in the media industry (lol) were coming true.

With college – and blogging – came new friends and more confidence. I began falling back in love with my life again…

…all while my boyfriend fell out of love with me.

2015

My career really began to take off. I was writing for people left, right and centre, I was excelling at college, my social life was back… everything seemed on the up.

But whilst things got better for me, my boyfriend started to treat me worse. It seems clear now; obvious jealousy. He set up his own business, hugely funded by me (earning £400 a month…), particularly when he lost his job. It didn’t take off.

Whilst trying to help him with his business, I was also running mine – I launched my own magazine!

This is definitely one of the high points of the decade for me. Love from… magazine was my baby. My passion project. It was something incredible that I managed to do all on my own, and it ran for four years!

My presenting skills were taken live, something else to add to the CV. I presented a gig and, best of all, appeared on the first ever live TV show on 4Music with Will Best and Maya Jama. I appeared on two of these shows and had such pinch me moments – I couldn’t believe this was my life!

Finally, I landed a freelance journalist role and a freelance social media manager role. I couldn’t believe my luck, or that my hard work had paid off this much!

As my college course came to an end and the idea of starting uni loomed closer, I evaluated where I was at. I’d launched a business all by myself. I was earning money doing what I loved, all by myself. I didn’t need university to get to where I wanted to go. So, I gave my place up.

Best decision I ever made.

2016

I started the year single.

Yup, on NYE 2015, my boyfriend rang me with some totally random call telling me he didn’t want to spend NYE with me as planned. This then spiraled into “I don’t know if I want to be with you”. I told him if that was his feelings, then we were over. He begged me not to end it and instead to just “take a break.”

I spent NYE totally alone. I sat in bed bawling my eyes out with my cats, then had a week of total radio silence before ending things for good.

That’s when life really began!

Coming out of an abusive relationship like the one I was in is never easy. I am so lucky that thanks to going to college and my blog/media career, I had a great support system around me. This helped massively.

I made new friends, started going out clubbing and on “girls nights” and out doing fun things! I went on holiday with friends, something I’d never done before. My body confidence began to grow as I began experimenting with clothes I had always longed to wear and makeup looks I’d always wanted to try. My finances were flowing now that I wasn’t funding two people, and was earning more money through freelancing.

And that was just the social side of things! My career was blossoming too. I appeared on TV several more times, I took on more and more freelance work and continued attending events, including two parties with my favourite brand, Make Up Revolution. I was even the May Day Princess for my town! Finally, I was living the life I had dreamed of, the life I had always felt I deserved.

I ended the year celebrating with my best friend at the time, having a wild night out in Oxford. I had been free for a year and it was the absolute best.

2017

A big year!

I landed a new job – a “proper” job, meaning that I could leave retail behind. I became a Communications Officer two days a week, but earning almost quadruple my current wage working at Topshop multiple times a week.

There were more nights out, more friendships – and then Jonny.

Meeting Jonny was definitely fate. You can read the full story here, but all I’ll say for now is that we were clearly “meant to be”.

Obviously he fell in love with me, and I thought he was okay, so we started dating.

My 22nd birthday was spent with Tom Hanks, and I was even lucky enough to have him say happy birthday to me! This was one of the most magical moments of my whole life and I will never, ever forget it.

I landed another amazing presenting gig, presenting at Safe Drive, Stay Alive 2017! It was the biggest live audience I’d ever had but I absolutely loved every second of it. It felt like such an achievement.

I got myself another part time job, as social media manager for a photographer, which really helped to keep my finances flowing as well as gain experience in web designer and content creation.

Jonny and I went to Amsterdam together, a gorgeous trip and our first holiday together, where we said “I love you” for the first time.

More money, more friends, more blessings. 2017 was one of the best years ever for me!

2018

The start of 2018 was incredibly exciting because Jonny and I moved in together! Neither of us had ever lived away from our family home before, so this was a huge step for both of us. We had only been together four months and people were very critical but it turned out to be an amazing move for the both of us.

I turned my magazine into a monthly magazine in both digital and print forms, but sadly made the decision to bring it to an end in September. After four years, it just wasn’t a sustainable business… I hope to come back to it one day, when I have more time and more money.

I was featured as part of the #MyLegacy campaign with Mina West. Amazingly, I also landed myself a broadcast assistant role at Reprezent Radio in London, on the Saturday morning breakfast show. This brought me new friends and also some more presenting opportunities.

I became a published author! My writing was featured in three different articles in Amor Magazines ’30 under 30’s’ book, where I got to write about some of my biggest idols and inspirations. To have my work printed is one thing, to have it printed in a book is another. It felt – and still does feel – unreal.

And it goes on.

I starred in a music video, did more live presenting at a conference, continued to grow in body confidence and work on self love, and secured a promotion, granting me a full time position at work and a huge pay rise.

On top of this I met Anne Marie, I saw Beyonce and went to Merky Fest in Ibiza – wearing a bikini for the first time in my life and feeling great for doing so! We celebrated one year together in Barcelona and caught the travel bug, spending my 23rd birthday in Rome as a result.

We ended the year in the best way, making a huge commitment – we adopted our pet cat, Pumpkin, from the RSPCA. She turned us into a family of three and has been the best friend we could ask for ever since.

It’s safe to say that I felt like 2018 was life spoiling me rotten in exchange for the utterly shit years I had had previously. Thank you, universe.

2019

Which takes us into the last year of the decade, this year.

I had my work published in a second book, Amor’s Hottest Female Artists. To be able to say I’m now a 2 x published author is even more unreal than when I said it the first time around.

I completed Dry January of my own accord, completed RED January to raise £100 for Mind and completed the Dechox in February, raising £200 for the British Heart Foundation.

We travelled more than ever before, visiting Scotland, Mallorca, Malta, Ibiza, Jersey and Amsterdam. It’s the most foreign travel I’ve ever done in my life, and definitely the most I’ve done in a year. We feel so lucky and blessed we were able to do this.

I launched Blossoming, my platform dedicated entirely to self love and body confidence. This has developed into a monthly newsletter, weekly email updates and a podcast, which I love doing. It combines all of my passions into one place, as well as filling the void my magazine has left.

I got another pay rise at work after absolutely working my butt off for so long and taking on a tonne more responsibility.

Probably the biggest and best thing of all, however, was going viral in Malta. You probably all know the story by now, but if you don’t, you can read it here.

As a result of this, my online presence grew, I secured some brand collaborations and was interviewed on BBC Radio 1 and in The Telegraph. *Screams internally*.

Oh. And I suppose bigger and better than that was falling pregnant. I never thought this would happen to me, and I feel like after a magical two years or so, God is finally presenting me with the best gift I could ask for – a baby.

Phew!

See? A whirlwind of a decade! And I’ve only covered the major things…!

If you’ve scrolled to the end of the post to see how long it is and feel like you really aren’t that interested in my life enough to read such a long post, I guess the highlights would be:

• Launching my media career and working in TV and radio
• Starting my blog and then my magazine as a result of that
• Finding the body positive, body confidence and self love movement and literally changing my life
• Becoming a published columnist and a 2 x published author
• Promoting body confidence and self love across national media
• Meeting Jonny and building a life together
• Travelling as much as possible

I’ve had a lot of successes in the last couple of years, and I’m always quick to share these in the public domain. However, I hope this post demonstrates that I really did start completely at rock bottom. I went through the worst kind of shit, dealt with scenarios I never should have had to. Now I’ve turned my life around and it’s so full of blessings that sometimes I can’t even believe it’s real. Often, I feel I don’t deserve it all…before reminding myself of just how hard I’ve worked.

This decade put me through some shit but I came out fighting, refusing to be beaten down. I’m a successful woman in a loving relationship. I travel as often as I can, I have good things in abundance and I am so grateful to how I’m ending this decade, compared to how it started.

The next decade will see me becoming a mum, passing my driving test and buying a house. I hope for continued career successes, more travel and plenty more good things.

After all, isn’t that what we all deserve?

Love from, Florence Grace